Remember my last “Jackisms” post? Way back in 2013? Remember how I said that I had over five pages of quotes left in a Word Document? Well, having given him a year and having added Brenn’s comments to the list, we are up to 9 pages of hilarity now. So on this rainy, dreary Thursday I’m publishing about a page and a half for you. Perhaps you will remember some of the quotes from when they were my FB status, or maybe they will all be new to you. Either way, may you laugh out loud and share with those who hear you : ) Per our normal MO on this site, quotes that I wrote are normal and Paul’s are bolded.
(This is one of my favorite pictures from the era of the following quotes. Ayla was featured often in our conversations : )
I am chatting with a Amazon kindle associate at the moment and asking for a refund on a few books purchased from my Kindle app. In the old days, kids might have accidentally deleted your answering machine message or something like that. Try explaining to an amazon rep how your 4 year old purchased “Fifty Shades of Grey” (among others) while messing around on his mother’s ipad. Lovely.
I seeing Jack running around the yard, flapping his arms and saying “tweet tweet tweet!” When asked why he is doing this, he promptly answers “Because I want all the birds to like me!”
Jack: “Why did the chicken cross the road??” Me: “Why?” Jack: (quite enthusiastically and with accompanying violent gestures) “To take a hammer and smash your house to pieces!!!!!!!” Me: “Jack?! Why is that even funny?!” Jack: (innocently chuckling) “Oh Mama, it’s because chicken’s can’t carry hammers!” (hmmmmm…)
Some gems from Jack during a recent car trip (he talks non-stop while in the car.)”Mama, am I going to grow big and strong like you someday?” “Um, sure.” Pause. “But do I HAVE to grow a mustache?” (Whaaaaaat??) Then later “Mama, I see a car on the road.” “Uh, huh. I see it too” Pause. “Mama, can you please not crash into that car. I don’t want to die in a car crash today.” (Glad I inspire such confidence) “Mama, may I stay up and read tonight when we get home?” “No babe. It’s past your bedtime.” Pause. Looooong pause. Then, in a quiet growl, “Oh Mama, I do not like you very much when you don’t let me do what I want to do.”
Why are some sunday mornings so rough? Why do I have to have this conversation while I am trying to get ready for church. Jack: “Brenn is crying!!!” Me: “Why?” “Because he fell and hurt himself!!” “How did he fall?” “Ummmmmm……” Me: “Jack. Why did Brenn fall” (Pause)”Umm….because we were swinging from the curtains and they broke. And he fell.” Arrrgghh……
Jack announced that he wants to be a doctor. I asked why. “Because I want to help people.” I asked what kind of people. “The ones with hiccups.” (Guess who had hiccups all yesterday?) I asked how doctors cure hiccups. “Oh. They just make the people drink pickle juice. Lots and lots of pickle juice. Or medicine. I’m not too sure which.”
I woke Jack up and as he sat up he groggily asked “mom….do you REALLY enjoy drawing semicircles? Huh? Do you?” Well….wonder what that dream was about…..
Me “I love summer.” Jack “I do too…but, doesn’t everyone love summer?” Me “No, not everyone.” (Pause) Jack “But I love it, you love it, Ayla loves it and I think Miss Jenn (Jennifer Hilton Radford) loves it…sooooo…Mama, I think everyone loves it.”
Jack just made up a story about dinosaurs. The main conflict was that the dinosaurs decided to eat all the bacon in the world and only leave us fruit to eat. He said it was a “very very very scary story.” I’m thinking that we should publish an illustrated copy :-)
I just caught jack doing something he wasn’t suppose to do. After our conversation, a tearful, yet ever pragmatic jack looked at me and said, “mama, next time I want to take food without asking I will just have to make sure that I sneak around you more quietly!” hmmmm…thinking we missed the salient point of the conversation….
Tonight when I asked Jack if he had a good time with Ayla he said “yes. I love her.” Me: “Hmmm, maybe you can marry her one day.” Pause. “Would she be mine then?” “Errrr, in a manner of speaking, I supose.” Another pause. “Well, I can’t do that. She is Mister Pete’s girl. I can’t take her away from him.” (So, Jennifer Hilton Radford and Peter Radford, I suggested that he marry her and just move in with ya’ll some day. He figured that would fix the problem :-)
While discussing the healing process for a scraped knee I mention that God helps heal us. “Oh,” says Jack, “you mean the Holy Spirit?” Me “Errr, sure. I guess so.” Jack “Because, he lives inside of me, right?” Me “Errrr…” Jack “Mama. The Spirit is inside of my body and he is healing me. ” Me “Ok Jack.” (Long Pause) “Mama? You said that the medicine in shots helps heal me.” Me “Yes, the medicine goes into your body to help you.” Jack “So, does the doctor give me the Spirit with a shot too?! Is THAT how the spirit gets in my body?!” Oh dear. Our doctor visits have just become a charismatic experience : )
After probably our fifth “conversation” yesterday, Jack looks at me and says “Mama, I am just having a trying day.” I was pretty surprised that he knew how to use the word “trying” that way. Impressive! I said “What do you mean Jack?” “Well, I am just trying and trying to obey…but I just can’t. So it has to be just a trying day.” Ha! But then, don’t we all have “trying” days like that sometimes? : )
Awesome. Just sang “twinkle, twinkle” with Jack in harmony. Which he said, “was singing the same song… two ways…AT THE SAME TIME!!” : )
While sitting here working, I suddenly heard a blood curdling scream from upstairs. I raced up the steps and found both boys in the bathroom where Jack was curled up on the floor sobbing. While desperately searching for blood or broken bones I was shouting “What happened!” With tears pouring down his sad little face Jack hiccuped out “Oh Mama!! It is horrible! Brenn just flushed my elmo down the potty!! Can you please please get him back! Please Mama! I love elmo!!” Though I was sorely tempted to laugh (with relief) I managed to explain the finality of being flushed and I expressed my deepest sympathies for elmo’s untimely demise : )
While at dinner: “Jack, eat your food!!!” (does that convey extreme frustation?) Dramatic sigh. Pause. Exasperated look “But Papa, my mouth can not eat and talk at the same time. And I just really need to talk to you guys. It is IMPORTANT to talk!”
Me (during a conversation about growing up, etc) “So when you are a grown up, what will you do Jack?” Thoughtful pause. Then emphatically, “I will grow chest hair. I will wear big shirts like Papa. I will play video games.” Well. Glad that is settled. : )
Me: “Jack, what would happen if the moon fell right out of the sky?” Pause. Jack: “Papa. That could not happen because the moon is un-fall-able.”