Jack, Brenn and Megisms: A Time To Laugh

It’s been a lovely week with nothing particularly stressful or discouraging. I’m not stressed out or anxious. I recently published a post (my letter to my children about my old age) so I feel pretty decent about the state of this blog. Given that these situations are the type which usually precipitate my desire to publish something humorous, maybe it’s weird that I woke up this morning thinking, “I should share some of the funny things that my kids said with the world today!”

Well, didn’t this just work out well for all of us. I must like all of you or something ; ) Anyway, I hope these give you a chuckle and make your day that much better!

Enjoy!


Brenn: “Mom this dinner is GREAT. I LOVE everything….although I haven’t tried the green beans yet.” : )

We were discussing the difference between murder and manslaughter this morning (I know, I know….but blame it on the radio and my cerebral son ?) and I used the (rather ridiculous) example, “say you were running around swinging a 2×4 in the air and you accidentally hit someone in the head and they died. That would be manslaughter because it was an act without evil intent… but you get in trouble because you weren’t being careful.” Jack nodded thoughtfully. Brenn *also* nodded thoughtfully and then solemnly said, “yeah, so….you should really run around with a giant marshmallow in your hand instead. Because…well…even if you accidentally hit someone in the head with it they wouldn’t die. Not from a marshmallow. Right Mom? Right?”…I mean…you can’t deny the logic even though I feel like he missed the salient point.

On a day that didn’t start off so great, it’s calming to watch my daughter discover and enjoy life……oh wait, she just discovered the scissors someone left out. Literally. Like, just as I started typing this status. Sheesh…

There is a discussion in the back seat about love, Valentine’s Day etc. Jack is trying to explain Cupid to Brenn. “You know Brenn, he’s the angel that brings love.” Brenn, “how does he do that?” Jack, “well he has a bow and arrow…” Then he trails off…I ask, “Jack, what does Cupid do with his love arrows?” Jack, “Oh, he shoots your mailbox…” I laugh and says,”No! He shoots you in the heart!” (Pause) Jack, “So…love seems kind of dangerous…”

Jack just stuck his bottom jaw out so that I could see his bottom teeth (he’s missing a few). He said, “Hey Mom! Who do I look like?” I guessed a few things, all wrong. Finally he rolled his eyes and said, “DUH. I look like that one guard who worked for Jabba the Hutt in the Star War’s movie.” Oh Yeah. That one guy. Who was SO memorable. Silly me : )

On our way to school this AM and I hear the following from my three in the back. Jack and Brenn: “No it can’t!” “Yes it can!” “It Can’t!!” “It Can!!” “CAN’T” “CAN!!” “Can’t can’t can’t can’t…” “Can can can can….” Someone takes a breath and Meg screams, “CANDY!!!!!!!!!!” ?

So. I got my first busted lip tonight. Brenn hit me in the face with a tin can in the middle of a game of “Tickle Monster.” (Apparently, I inspired great fear…) When I started bleeding the following happened; Jack ran away, Brenn started to cry (in greater fear now than when I was trying to tickle him) and Meg instantly pulled out about 20 wipes and lovingly wrapped up my foot. No one actually dealt with the bloody lip…. : \

We had burgers for dinner. When Paul said that we might be eating a mama cow (another conversation involving Meg and a slightly cannibalistic statement she made) Brenn declared that it was silly to say that we would eat a COW. “We get milk from cows and that’s all.” “No, that burger patty is made out of cow.” (Pause) “Is it a *dead* cow, Papa??” “Ummmmm, yes. That cow is very much dead Brenn.” “Phew. Cause, otherwise it might make a noise or something.” : )

Never underestimate a fussy toddler’s ability to keep you from getting anything productive done. Yeah, I didn’t quite meet many of my personal goals today. Well, other than that one that says, “resist the urge to lock your kids in their room for an indefinite period of time.” I was tempted, but I persevered : )

Meg woke up at the ungodly hour of 6:00 this morning. I put her down for a morning nap at 9:00. At 9:30 I heard a noise at the top of the stairs. Sneaky little Miss had climbed out of her bed and was standing by her door looking uncertain about her next move. With hands on my hips I said, “Oh Meg. Did you get out of bed?” With big innocent eyes she slowly shoot her head and replied, “No.” (Ok, so we might need to work on her language skills….or deceptive skills.)

Jack and Brenn are playing hide and seek. I’ve given Jack so many clues that he finally (Finally!) correctly guessed that was probably in the laundry room. “YES!” he shouted, and then took off from the kitchen. A second later he walked back in and said, “Hey Mom, where is the laundry room in this house??” Oy. Two months of living here and he doesn’t know where the laundry room is. I worry about this child.

I had a conversation with Jack regarding the need to learn how to properly dress himself (we’re still struggling with being inside-out, unzipped and sockless some mornings.) I said, “you need to learn these skills because someday, when you’re around 20, you’ll probably be on your own.” Jack: “yeah, because you’ll be dead.” Me: “what?! No! You’ll be in college and not living with us!” Jack: “oh yeah, or that.” Sheesh. (Although there are some days when I do believe my kids are driving me towards an early grave.)

Last night at dinner Brenn was waxing eloquent regarding all the people that he loves. “I love her, and her, and him, and her and him….” the list went on and on. Jack, in a moment of exasperation (and because he can’t fathom having such a list) said, “Brenn, you just love everyone in the universe!!” Brenn, looking aggrieved, retorted, “No I don’t!!” But then murmured to himself while he took a swig from his cup, “…because I haven’t *met* all of them…” : )

Paul, “So Jack, what happened in school today?” Jack, “Well… during a game against the girls, we won because I transmogrified the base into a prison.” (Pause) Paul, “Where the heck did you learn the word ‘transmogrify?'” Jack (nonchalantly) “Oh, Calvin and Hobbes [which he pronounced “Hob-bees’].” Well folk, that’s Jack for you! Learning from the best ; )

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